Subtle Changes
by Julia Weasley
Summary: Looking back at the end of my third year, I can hardly believe how silly I was. Telling my heart to get over my love for Harry was like telling Draco Malfoy to lick Harry's shoes in front of Draco's father. Point blank - it wasn't going to happen. HG


A/N: Ok...even though this is my first Harry Potter fic, it's definitely not my first fic ever. I've written several other anime ones, so we'll see how this goes.  
  
Disclaimer: I wish I was JK...I wish I was JK....DAMN...no matter how many times I make that wish, it just never seems to come true. All characters in the fic belong to Mrs. J.K. Rowling and not to me. However the ideas in this come from my head alone.  
  
Subtle Changes by Julia Weasley  
  
It was a subtle change I noticed. And it wasn't necessarily all at once. You know how it is - You convince yourself about something almost to the point of actually believing it. Or you might immerse yourself into another something to take its place. But it's there all the same. It's there the whole time in the back of your mind just waiting for the perfect time to surface and knock you on your butt.  
  
I almost convinced myself of it too. For a whole year I pretended that I had changed my mind in what I felt about him.  
  
It's weird, because you'd think that even if I persuaded myself of changed feelings that I'd still be uncomfortable around him. But that wasn't the case. Actually, that wasn't the case at all. Because, after all, my feelings aren't a light bulb to be turned on and off at will. The heart works on it's own with little or no input from its owner.  
  
So here I am in the middle of my fifth year, loving the same boy from my first year and even before then. But...now my love is at a different level.  
  
I couldn't put my finger on why I loved him, but I loved him nonetheless. True, my love for him started out as an admiration and awe for him, but as I watched him, went to school with him, lived with him, the admiration gradually turned into a crush.  
  
My first year at Hogwarts allowed me to examine him until my heart was content. From little glances here and private observations there, I pieced together who he was. I learned how wrong everyone was about him. Most people would never bother to take a deeper look at the boy who lived further than the scar on his forehead that visibly separated him from everyone else around him.  
  
But not me.  
  
From the moment he saved me in the Chamber, I knew who he was... who he really was: A brave boy who was something extraordinarily different from what everyone else thought.  
  
Over the next couple of years, I noticed that Harry wouldn't be what everyone else wanted and expected him to be. He'd be the Harry he wanted to be.  
  
My crush grew into love. I don't know how it happened or why it happened, but it did. And really, I was fine with it. But you can only love someone to a certain point without that person reciprocating it back until you break.  
  
I told myself so many times to just get over it, to move on. Every time Harry would unknowingly reject me, I felt a little more of my love die, or so I thought. Now I realize that I only convinced myself of that and that it wasn't actually true.  
  
Looking back at the end of my third year, I can hardly believe how silly I was. Telling my heart to get over my love for Harry was like telling Draco Malfoy to lick Harry's shoes in front of Draco's father. Point blank - it wasn't going to happen.  
  
But now that I know all of this, it is so easy to blame myself for all of the "silliness". But most importantly, it's so easy to see why I wanted to stop. Loving someone is supposed to make you happy - not unbelievably sad. I couldn't blame myself for something I couldn't help.  
  
My fourth year was different.  
  
I knew Harry noticed a difference in me, because he'd give me a peculiar look if I spoke to him without turning ungodly shades of red or did something else completely normal like at supper handing him the butter dish without putting my elbow in it first.  
  
I almost laughed at him for his confusion, although I couldn't blame him for it. How was he to know that I convinced myself over the summer that I no longer loved him? Seriously. Who does things like that? But...there just comes a time when you have to make yourself happy.  
  
The ironic thing about my decision to distance myself from him was that it unknowingly brought me closer to him. He would hold normal conversations with me.  
  
Sometimes I'd secretly laugh at how seriously he started to take me. I knew him - knew him very well. But, boys are blind to things like this.  
  
Just look at Ron. Granted, he finally figured out his feelings for Hermione, but still. Does Hermione know? No. Well, not from him anyway.  
  
Fred, George and I have a bet going about that one. Fred wagered Ron would let it slip before Ron and Hermione's fifth year was up. George said Ron would be forced by Hermione to admit it, while I said he'd most likely wait until they both turned gray. Fred's obviously out of the competition, but George and I are still in the running.  
  
Which brings me to this: How long would I be waiting for Harry? I didn't know and I still don't.  
  
Last year brought me to the realization that I didn't care when he'd love me or even if he ever would, because I knew that there would always be a part of me that would always love him. It's not exactly a happy thought, but it's one I've accepted.  
  
You don't love someone like I love Harry and not love then even a little for the rest of your life.  
  
That realization brought me to another one - the one that told me what a liar I was being to myself. And yes, I feel bad about Michael Corner, because I know now that he was, at best, a replacement for Harry, a shield I protected myself with. I try not to feel too guilty about it though, since I really thought I liked him.  
  
It just showed me how unexpected I could be. My emotions surprise me more and more as I grow in them.  
  
Like for example: I've been sitting here under the beech tree by the lake thinking of how much I love Harry while he's been sitting not more than three feet from me to my left. You'd think since I was so close to him, I'd be staring at him instead of lost in thought. But I guess that's how I've changed.  
  
"I swear Ron! You aren't even trying to pay attention!! This test isn't going to be easy!"  
  
I grin hearing Hermione's familiar tone while telling Ron off.  
  
"Come on 'Mione...we've been at this for hours..."  
  
Ron and Hermione are a little further away to my right with a huge Astronomy book lying between them and of course they're arguing.  
  
I watch my brother as he does something that seems to happen a lot around Hermione. He ruffles his hair, something he's been prone to do since last year or whenever Hermione happened to look his way. I grin, thinking how obvious they are to everyone but themselves. Really, it's plain as day.  
  
I glance towards Harry to see if he's noticing this. I look at his profile for the briefest of seconds. But then he catches my eye, making my stomach flutter. A grin similar to mine starts to spread on his mouth and I catch myself staring at his clear green eyes. I pull my gaze away even though it's the last think I want to do.  
  
Not for the first time, I wonder if Harry felt that too. You'd think I'd be used to this, since this happens quite often.  
  
Hermione snaps me out of my private thoughts. "I've really had it this time, Ron!"  
  
Before Ron can think of a retort I laugh out loud. I couldn't help it. Being here with Harry makes me so happy. Seeing the obvious affection between Ron and Hermione makes me happy. Being a part of things with them makes me happy.  
  
Seeing the queer looks that Ron and Hermione give me makes me laugh harder.  
  
It's a couple of seconds before I realize I'm not the only one laughing anymore. Harry's joined in. I guess it's contagious, but I know Harry knows what I'm laughing at. I just know he does. He knows my humor. My hear skips a beat again thinking about how well I know him and at the fact that we share the same thought.  
  
But Ron and Hermione aren't nearly as amused.  
  
"What's so funny?" Hermione snaps, her face in a scowl.  
  
Ron looks affronted. "Really, Ginny. I don't think anything being said is funny."  
  
"Oh please, Ron," I take the opportunity to gasp for a little breath since I've been laughing so hard, "You know what's so funny."  
  
I'm pleased to see Ron blush at my statement. Of course he knows why I'm so amused, or well, at least he does now. He knows I know about his feelings. His embarrassment is obviously because he doesn't think Hermione knows and he doesn't want her to know.  
  
He gives her a nervous glance.  
  
I look at her too and smile. Oh but she does know, because now she's blushing too.  
  
"What are you so red for, Ron?" Harry can't help but tease.  
  
I hear Ron mumble something that sounded vaguely like: "I'm always red..."  
  
I just roll my eyes and grin more. I set my gaze back onto the lake in front of me when it hits me.  
  
I figured out what made me love Harry. It wasn't his obvious talents, it wasn't his looks and it certainly wasn't his "fame". It was just Harry. Harry's humor, Harry's loyalty and courage, but mostly I think it was Harry's humanity.  
  
I feel someone's gaze on me. I turn and see that it's him. This time I don't turn away from his stare. I see something in his vivid green eyes that I'm not ready to define. I smile again and he smiles back. And I'm happy to see it reach beyond his eyes, reaching into a real smile.  
  
Everything seems to be changing, but not all at once. The change is subtle.  
  
A/N: If you've read this far, then thanks so much. lol I just really wanted to write a fic on everything I think Ginny feels...and I wanted to show Ron and Hermione's feelings based on what Ginny sees. Same with Harry.... I hope you enjoyed this. Thanks.  
  
Julia Weasley 


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